Farewell, Yeh Yeh

My grandfather has finally left us.. 11.35pm, 22nd July 2003 at the age of 93. He died peacefully, in front of my relatives at home. I knew this day would come since 2 weeks ago. I knew he would leave us soon. Yet I still couldn't accept the fact that he left..

I was on the phone, talking to Inspector when my cousin brother texted me that night. "Gong gong passed away already". Just these 5 words.. These 5 words were enough for me to break down. I woke Dad & Mum up, the phone calls from my relatives started coming in, and we were back in Dad's hometown few hours later.

It was just during the afternoon that I told my colleagues I probably wouldn't make it for the departmental trip at Awana, coz I wanted to go back to see my grandfather that Saturday. Even during dinner, I was just discussing with Dad & Mum about going back to see him. I never thought that he would leave us that night itself. He left behind his wife, 9 children, 34 grandchildren and 16 great grandchildren.

One of my relatives told me, that night he asked to speak to my relatives on by one. He told them to stay united, to forgive and to forget. He told my youngest cousin brother to study hard. He asked them to take care of my grandmother. He told them to offer joss sticks to the Gods. They laid him on the lazy man chair and gathered around him. He kept asking why did he have to suffer, why did the Gods kept him alive still. He shed so much of tears. He told them to chant for him. One of my uncles told him that he promised to take care of my grandmother, and he finally closed his eyes slowly and slept forever..

I cried a lot for the next 3 days during the funeral procession. I kept looking at my grandfather, laid in the coffin. I got to touch his forehead before they sealed up the coffin. He looked so fragile and thin in his smart grey coat and pants. One hand was holding his favourite "fatt jee" (black beaded bracelet), the one Mum bought for him from China. Dad put my grandfather's favourite "tongkat" (wooden walking stick) in too, so that he could follow his 'master', Pak Sin Gong (the Beggar God). The hired band played Teresa Teng's songs and people flooded in to pay their last respects to my grandfather.

We went through a lot of sessions of praying, kneeling and walking. When we were not doing all those, we would fold paper money or listen to Nai Nai's stories about Yeh Yeh, how they met and all. Dad cleared Yeh Yeh's drawers, found a few of my graduation photos and even a copy of my maternal grandfather's obituary when he passed away in January 1997. I got to learn how, despite being poor, he managed to raise all his 9 children well, and even took care of his other nieces and nephews. I remember he would always tell me stories about his life, or he would give me some pocket money whenever I went back to visit him or whenever he came down to KL to visit, or he would always smile when I spoke Hakka badly, or he would be happy whenever I told him that I did well in my exams or when I graduated.

I miss being with him. I miss having him around. 2 weeks ago when I left Dad's hometown, I said goodbye to him, I never thought that it would be the last goodbye. When I gave him some money (as I always did once I started working, whenever I went back to visit him), I never thought it would be for the last time. As I rode in the hearse to the cemetery, together with my family, I regret not saying a proper goodbye to him before he took his final breath. As the undertakers buried the coffin underground and the band played "Auld Lang Syne", I just couldn't help crying, knowing that I would never see him again. I would never see his smile. I would never see him coming home from his favourite hangout coffeeshop. I would never hear him ask me "Sip pau mau?" ("have you eaten?" in Hakka).

If my grandfather could hear me now, I would want to tell him that I love him a lot and that I will miss him very, very much. I hope that he would live a brand new and a happy life wherever he is now. Goodbye, Yeh Yeh.. Rest in peace..

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be

That you are mine forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight to see you smile
If only for a while to know you're there
A breathe away's not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me
Every day

Coz you are mine forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe that angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight to see you smile
If only for a while to know you're there
A breathe away's not far
To where you are

I know you're there
A breathe away's not far
To where you are.

~~ Josh Groban - To Where You Are ~~

Yeh Yeh Is Dying

I eventually went back to Dad's hometown on Saturday. It was nerve-wrecking.

In the morning, Dad said that Yeh Yeh was in stable condition and looked better than the previous day. Suddenly come afternoon, Mum was desperate to arrange for me to go back. One of my cousin sisters called me and told me that "Yeh Yeh has no hope", and that she would give me a ride. What do you mean "no hope"??? How could this be??? He was fine in the morning!! Dad called me back to confirm the arrangement of the transportation, and I just cried at that point.

Yeh Yeh was fine earlier on, but there was a sudden change in the afternoon. The doctor called the family to go over to the hospital. He told them that Yeh Yeh's blood pressure was very low. He was anemic. He discharged Yeh Yeh, told them to bring him home and to "be prepared". Be prepared for what??? How can the doctor just discharge him like that?? Couldn't he think of something to save him?? So we're supposed to, like, bring him home and wait until his heart and lungs fail???

I couldn't think straight then. I couldn't even drive properly. Luckily Inspector took over the wheel. I packed as soon as I could, my cousin sister fetched me and we hit the highway 1 hour later. Throughout the journey, I kept praying that if Yeh Yeh is really "going", please let us see him for the final time, please let him see us for one last time.

By the time I reached, my relatives were there. I went to see him in the room. He was sleeping. He looked so fragile and weak. He could still talk, could still recognize us. But I could see that he was suffering tremendously. Yeh Yeh looked better yesterday, though. Thank God! Yet I still can't accept the fact why the doctor just want to discharge him just like that. Aren't doctors not supposed to give up even till the last minute??

We came back home last afternoon. At least we knew Yeh Yeh was OK at the moment. But we're leaving our mobile phones switched on, put the house phone's ringing tone to the loudest. If anytime any of our relatives call about Yeh Yeh, we'll head back immediately. I don't know when is he "going". I don't want to know. I don't want to see him go..

Yeh Yeh

Got a call from Dad while at work an hour ago. He & Mum were on their way back to his hometown. Yeh Yeh is very, very sick.

They don't know how long they will be there. I didn't know what to do. I called a cousin brother to ask about Yeh Yeh's condition. According to his mum (Dad's 3rd sister, I call her "Sam Ku"), Yeh Yeh had an asthma attack late last night. He had a fall too. My relatives admitted him into the local hospital this morning. My cousin brother will keep me informed. If Yeh Yeh's condition becomes worse, I will follow him back.

I'm worried coz I don't know how is Yeh Yeh now. I don't know how serious is his condition. I'm worried coz he's already 93 years old. He's been falling sick frequently the past 1 year and he's been admitted into the hospital a number of times. I'm worried that he's really failing to the extent of.. Of.. I don't think I can say that word out loud.. I just hope my worst fears won't come true.. Not yet.. Not now.. I'm not ready to accept that fact yet..

Tai Lou's Newborn

We went to visit Tai Lou & his family at the Maternity Clinic in Klang last night. Aneh fetched me, headed over to FRG & Nutty's place. FRG drove us in his new car. Had dinner at Syed's near PJ Hilton. Please do not try the maggi goreng there. It's not like any maggi goreng, this is maggi mee with black sauce! Eeeewwww.. Spoilt my appetite.

Anyway, after dinner, we went to the Maternity Clinic, opposite Menara Trend. Visited them for about an hour. Upon seeing Tai Lou & Tai Sou looking so very exhausted, we left and went to SS2's Swensen's for ice-cream.

I tell you, Gerald is sooooooo cute... Soooooooooo, soooooooooooooo cute!!! Tai Lou said he has Tai Sou's looks. Tai Lou told us how the whole thing went, that he kept telling Tai Sou to push even harder, that she was at the point of giving up already. I can't imagine the pain and fear they were both going through. But at the end of the day, all that mattered was the support Tai Lou gave Tai Sou throughout the whole pregnancy and the delivery, finally together, welcoming their firstborn into the world. :) I'm just sooo... Speechless... Sooo overwhelmed with mixed feelings.. I just don't know what to say. Gosh.. He's so tiny and fragile. His hands are sooo small, what's more, the fingers! He was sleeping and at times, he yawned.. Even made pouty looks. Hehe.. Sometimes he would open his eyes to see us. Awwwwwww.. Sooooo cute! Managed to snap some digital photos of him! :)

Looking back on the good old days, it just finally sank in upon us that Tai Lou's now a father. A father!! A proud father of his newborn son, in fact! FRG recalled how when we came back from Sheffield and went for a trip at his place in Malacca, we walked from his house to his car, Aneh told him that "This is it.. This is where it ends.. This is where our lives change". How true that was. We've all grown up, chasing the big $$, and even Tai Lou has now settled down and started his own family. But what FRG said last night was right, the most important thing is that, despite all that, despite living our own lives, all 6 of us are still able to meet up. Especially on such historical and memorable occasions like these, we can still talk about anything, about everything.

I'm being nostalgic here already. So I'll just end today's post with a big dedication to the Sunflowerian family - Tai Lou, Aneh, FRG, Nutty & Chino. I dedicate you guyz the song by Vitamin C..

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same

But when we leave this year, we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day

Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love but it came too soon

And there was me and you and then we got real cool
Stay at home talking on the telephone with me
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

As we go on, we remember all the times we had together
And as our lives change, come whatever
We will still be friends forever

So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money
When we look back now, will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule

Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can we ever find a job that won't interfere with a tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

As we go on, we remember all the times we had together
And as our lives change, come whatever
We will still be friends forever

La, la, la, la... Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la... We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men

Will the past be a shadow that will follow us around?
Will t hese memories fade when I leave this town?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

As we go on, we remember all the times we had together
And as our lives change, come whatever
We will still be friends forever.

~~ Vitamin C - Graduation (Friends Forever) ~~

Stork Arrival To The Sunflowerian Family

Tai Lou & Tai Sou's little Gerald has arrived!!! Hoooooraaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!! Congratulations, Tai Lou & Tai Sou!

Tai Lou sounded very tired over the phone, but yeah, definitely excited. Hehe.. So am I! We've already planned to visit them tonight. I can't wait though! Can't wait to see how little Gerald looks like. Whose features he inherit from. How big he really is (he's almost 8 pounds!).

Gosh.. An additional member to the Sunflowerian family.. Hehe.. Shall remember to bring Dad's digital camera along. Can't wait!!