Farewell, Yeh Yeh

My grandfather has finally left us.. 11.35pm, 22nd July 2003 at the age of 93. He died peacefully, in front of my relatives at home. I knew this day would come since 2 weeks ago. I knew he would leave us soon. Yet I still couldn't accept the fact that he left..

I was on the phone, talking to Inspector when my cousin brother texted me that night. "Gong gong passed away already". Just these 5 words.. These 5 words were enough for me to break down. I woke Dad & Mum up, the phone calls from my relatives started coming in, and we were back in Dad's hometown few hours later.

It was just during the afternoon that I told my colleagues I probably wouldn't make it for the departmental trip at Awana, coz I wanted to go back to see my grandfather that Saturday. Even during dinner, I was just discussing with Dad & Mum about going back to see him. I never thought that he would leave us that night itself. He left behind his wife, 9 children, 34 grandchildren and 16 great grandchildren.

One of my relatives told me, that night he asked to speak to my relatives on by one. He told them to stay united, to forgive and to forget. He told my youngest cousin brother to study hard. He asked them to take care of my grandmother. He told them to offer joss sticks to the Gods. They laid him on the lazy man chair and gathered around him. He kept asking why did he have to suffer, why did the Gods kept him alive still. He shed so much of tears. He told them to chant for him. One of my uncles told him that he promised to take care of my grandmother, and he finally closed his eyes slowly and slept forever..

I cried a lot for the next 3 days during the funeral procession. I kept looking at my grandfather, laid in the coffin. I got to touch his forehead before they sealed up the coffin. He looked so fragile and thin in his smart grey coat and pants. One hand was holding his favourite "fatt jee" (black beaded bracelet), the one Mum bought for him from China. Dad put my grandfather's favourite "tongkat" (wooden walking stick) in too, so that he could follow his 'master', Pak Sin Gong (the Beggar God). The hired band played Teresa Teng's songs and people flooded in to pay their last respects to my grandfather.

We went through a lot of sessions of praying, kneeling and walking. When we were not doing all those, we would fold paper money or listen to Nai Nai's stories about Yeh Yeh, how they met and all. Dad cleared Yeh Yeh's drawers, found a few of my graduation photos and even a copy of my maternal grandfather's obituary when he passed away in January 1997. I got to learn how, despite being poor, he managed to raise all his 9 children well, and even took care of his other nieces and nephews. I remember he would always tell me stories about his life, or he would give me some pocket money whenever I went back to visit him or whenever he came down to KL to visit, or he would always smile when I spoke Hakka badly, or he would be happy whenever I told him that I did well in my exams or when I graduated.

I miss being with him. I miss having him around. 2 weeks ago when I left Dad's hometown, I said goodbye to him, I never thought that it would be the last goodbye. When I gave him some money (as I always did once I started working, whenever I went back to visit him), I never thought it would be for the last time. As I rode in the hearse to the cemetery, together with my family, I regret not saying a proper goodbye to him before he took his final breath. As the undertakers buried the coffin underground and the band played "Auld Lang Syne", I just couldn't help crying, knowing that I would never see him again. I would never see his smile. I would never see him coming home from his favourite hangout coffeeshop. I would never hear him ask me "Sip pau mau?" ("have you eaten?" in Hakka).

If my grandfather could hear me now, I would want to tell him that I love him a lot and that I will miss him very, very much. I hope that he would live a brand new and a happy life wherever he is now. Goodbye, Yeh Yeh.. Rest in peace..

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be

That you are mine forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight to see you smile
If only for a while to know you're there
A breathe away's not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me
Every day

Coz you are mine forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe that angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight to see you smile
If only for a while to know you're there
A breathe away's not far
To where you are

I know you're there
A breathe away's not far
To where you are.

~~ Josh Groban - To Where You Are ~~